(sisters Taja and Deja Riley at an event, and dad Teddy Riley on the right)

TMZ reports:

Teddy’s 18-year-old daughter Taja Riley was granted a temporary restraining order against her dad — claiming 43-year-old Teddy abused her and her older sister by “stomping, punching and bashing them” in his L.A. home on December 23.

In the documents, filed in L.A. County Superior Court, Taja claims at one point Teddy, “lifted a Rock Band guitar and threatened to kill person(s) w/ it.”

The holidays light fire to pent-up family tension like a tattered extension cord to dry Christmas tree needles. And the house that “New Jack City” built got crazy between Teddy Riley,  his daughters Taja and Deja, and his girlfriend, Bita. Not only did the physical altercation allegedly happen, but it was world war iii on twitter too. Daughter Deja tweeted that the girlfriend was “a golddigger” who met Teddy “2 months ago” and is the “same age” as her (Deja is 21 years old). (For more, check Necole Bitchie)

Bita tried to defend herself (and cancel her twitter at Teddy’s request). Taja joined in to tell her followers that her dad had beaten her and her sister…

UPDATE: Teddy Riley released a statement denying that he beat his daughters…

“I love my Daughters, but I will not allow my children to disrespect me in my home. Contrary to what I have been accused of, I would never beat my children.

Perhaps, I should have been a stronger disciplinarian as they were growing up. I worked very hard so that my children would want for nothing.

In hindsight, I see that it was a mistake to give them everything they wanted so that they could have the childhood I never had. Unfortunately, they have taken me, and the privileged life I have given them, completely for granted. Instead of being appreciative and realizing how fortunate they are, my children have an inflated sense of entitlement and expectation without having to work or earn their way….”

(More after the jump…)
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Have people cracked open that egg nog early? Because there’s no other explanation I can see (other than drunken lactose-intolerant raw-yolk fever) for folks to be cosigning such obvious bullshit this past weekend…

PART 1: Lil Wayne totes guns, and makes number weed runs….

Can you believe this Lil Wayne photo that TMZ posted? With the headline:

“Lil’ Wayne — Is That a Shotgun in Your Pocket?: Lil’ Wayne struck a deadly pose — brandishing what appears to be a high-powered shotgun on his tour bus over the summer.”

um…I’m no ballistics expert, but that looks more like a pneumatic nail gun than a shotgun.  Luckily, Young Money contacts like Karen Civil immediately stepped up to clarify, that’s a pellet gun in Wayne’s hand. Ah doy! Honestly, I’m shocked at TMZ, they’re thorough enough to scoop everyone on the death of Michael Jackson, but fell way short on this one.

PART 2: Asher Roth’s Ass-Gate 2009. The Battle for Asher’s Bung.

Ok, I keed, but honestly…folks were buzzing last night about this “scoop” that appeared on an mysterious, un-vetted site called CWebNews, about Asher Roth announcing he is “the” Gay Rapper. The headline was:

“Asher Roth to Appear on E!News to talk about new “Gay Lifestyle“

What about that ridiculous headline even sounds plausible?? Of course Asher could be gay, and there would be nothing wrong with that. But he’s not even the first that comes to my mind. (Do Asher’s flip flops raise your gaydar?)

Then in the “report,” there’s this convenient mention of a guy who wrote a book about all the gays in hip hop, without naming any names. Hmm. That makes me want to buy his book on Amazon, doesn’t it? [“Message!” (c) School Daze]

But the most damning blow to the credibility of this scoop: Who has ever gone on E! News to announce anything? (#noshots)

As much as this idiocracy made me angry…it was all worth it because this morning, we got a punchline from Ill Doctrine’s JSmooth:

When you click on the link, you see a new CWebNews’s headline:

“Jay Smooth Announces Plan to Sell Brooklyn Bridge:
Jay Smooth, host of the Oscar and Emmy-winning videoblog Illdoctrine.com, announced this week he is selling the historic Brooklyn Bridge. The stunning announcement was made during the E! News channel’s annual Kwanzaa special…”

GENIUS!!!

Evidently, anyone can submit any story to that site.

Read the rest of Jay’s Onion-like gem after the jump…

UPDATE: Asher Roth released this statement:
“I hate to disappoint and take away the entertainment of it all but I am straight, not gay. It’s disheartening to know such “news” on someone’s personal life can be portrayed as fact with no viable source. This, to me, is an opportunity to expose our vulnerability to lies and manipulation through unprofessional and irresponsible news outlets, in which people consider TRUTH. Further, someone’s sexual orientation should NEVER be big news, as it delivers a troubling message to children that they can’t be themselves without fear of judgment. Race, creed, and sexual persuasion should not just be tolerated but understood and accepted. It’s extremely disappointing that this topic would be used with the intention of being hurtful. We are near 2010….2010!! Yet race, sex and religion still play a major role in a hate driven society. For the love of the future and humanity….let’s wake up.” (via RapRadar)

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Ok, this already reads waaay different than those super loose Pleasure P rumors (that were disturbingly repeated by many a major outlet). According to TMZ, their LAPD sources confirm that Shane Sparks (the Stevie-J lookalike dancing judge on America’s Best Dance Crew) has been arrested and charged with 8 counts of child molestation….

“The alleged incidents began occurring in 1994 and continued for several years. According to the criminal complaint Shane allegedly committed the crimes of lewd acts upon a child — all felonies. There is only one alleged victim.
The lewd acts include oral copulation and other acts “with the intent of arousing, appealing to, and gratifying the lust, passions, and sexual desires of the defendant, who was at least 10 years older than [the victim].”

Sparks — who was also a choreographer on “So You Think You Can Dance” — is being held on $590,000 bail.”

Ok, the charge says the victim was at least 10 yrs younger than Shane. And right now Shane Sparks is 35 yrs old. So back in 1994, Shane would be 20 years old and the victim would have been perhaps 10 years old?

Ok, looking at the actual documents from the LA district attorney…The victim was allegedly 14/15 yrs old at the time of the crime in 1994. I think the confusion was because Shane has claimed to be younger than he is. He was actually born in 1969, so he’s 40 years old now.

(thanks to Nina for the tip)

Here’s video of his arrest….

After those sext-message leaked I was totally done….and now I guess Tiger is conceding defeat too and taking a hi-anus to do some soul-searching (read wife-begging, pre-nup adjusting, gift-bearing, sponsor-appealing, etc).

From Tiger’s website:

“I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.

I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What’s most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.

After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.

Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.”

Previously: Headcrack: Tiger Wood’s pornstar jumpoff bragged about bedding him back in May (NSFW)

Mikey: Rolling Stone is reporting that Shyne is denying that he ever shared a phone call with Diddy or received a visit from him during his incarceration,

“I want it known that this supposed conversation is a figment of Sean Combs’ imagination,” he says in a statement. “He never spoke with me, he never visited me nor would I ever accept a phone call or visit from him. The only way I would do either of those things would be if he stepped up and did the right thing for the victims of the incident.” – Shyne
(via Rolling Stone)

Here is the audio of Diddy telling DJ Absolut that he spoke to Shyne:

Related: Update: Has Shyne’s family been told he will be deported on Friday?, Shyne Update: High-ranking uncle speaks on deportation battle, and prepares home in Belize

UPDATE: (from MissInfo) Shyne’s father, Dean Barrow, the prime minister of Belize, told local reporters that he has written to Governor Patterson requesting help in stopping his son’s deportation. I’m not sure if this is effective because I think Patterson helped Slick Rick while he was a State Senator…but now the Gov is more state than federal? (not to mention, Patterson has his own career issues too)

What was also interesting was Dean Barrow’s admission that back when Shyne was first imprisoned, he asked that his son be sent to Belize:
“Meanwhile Prime Minister Barrow revealed for the first time that shortly after his son Jamal “Shyne” Barrow was sentenced to prison in the U.S.A., he had written a letter to the then governor of New York. In that letter Mr. Barrow said he asked that his son be repatriated to Belize to serve his sentence as that was what Shyne wanted at the time. “That never went anywhere. Just as well as it is now clear that he wants to remain in the U.S.A. to continue his career,” stated the Prime Minister.”

First off, the “unplugged” freestyle session from the fallen-Starbury is very abstract….but also terrible and embarrassing.

Is he paying that poor pianist and booking studio time for this?

And why did it take 7 years for him to get mad about Hov’s “La La La” mention…”Don’t confuse me with Marbury/Run up on me at the light/ You could lose your life.” (which referenced the time when Marbury got robbed while driving jeweled up around the club zone with his windows down)

We all realize this is just the next “scene” in this guy’s internet circus, but after crying, eating petroleum, and now dissing Hov…what can you do after that?

Some celebs are in desperate need of that “filter” (managers, publicists, retouchers, parents, lawyers).

More of the terrible freestyle and Stef’s anti-Hov rant after the jump….

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DJ Roc Raida passed away today after being hospitalized earlier this month for a spinal injury. He was one of the founding members of the award winning X-Ecutioners turntablist crew, and was featured in the DJ-ing documentary, Scratch (clip above).

*sigh*
This year (really this summer even) has been filled with startling and sobering losses.

UPDATE: MTV News writes about Roc Raida’s passing, and has a statement from his family. They confirm that Roc died of complications from a spinal injury which he sustained during mixed-martial-arts.

UPDATE 2: DJ Premier and DJ Eclipse are hosting a Roc Raida benefit at APT on Monday, Sept 21. (thanks to Dunny for the tip)

UPDATE 3: Primo sent over the details of Roc Raida’s funeral…

THURSDAY–SEPTEMBER 24,2009
At the Mt Nebo Baptist church, 1883 Adam Clayton Powell JR blvd (114th street)
10am – 12:30pm Viewing
12:30- 3pm service.

more after the jump…
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oh man…this is the deepest cut of all….Politico and HuffPo report:

During a CNBC interview on Monday, President Obama called hip-hop artist Kanye West a “jackass” over his behavior at the MTV Video Music Awards.

Obama’s colorful remark was actually made in an off-the-record portion of the interview that was tweeted — and then deleted — by ABC News reporter Terry Moran.

“Pres. Obama just called Kanye West a ‘jackass’ for his outburst at VMAs when Taylor Swift won. Now THAT’S presidential,” Moran wrote.

Politico’s Michael Calderone has ABC’s statement apologizing for Moran’s journalistic breach.

You know that’s gotta hurt most of all…being from Chicago, and heralding Obama as Kanye has done so often….

In related news, Harry Allen posted a disturbing round-up and analysis of the extreme racism that last night Kanye West-Taylor Swift incident has exposed on Twitter. Ugly ugly.

After the jump, 50 Cent chimes in as well…

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And I present this candidate for lamest apology of all time:

“I did not mean any disrespect towards Jay-Z or Alicia Keys. I admire them and look up to them as role models. ‘Empire State of Mind’ had my emotions running high. In that moment I came up onstage to celebrate my two icons singing about NY.”

–Lil Niatia Jessica Kirkland Mama, America’s Best Serial Fashion Offender (statement spotted on MTV.com)

You, sir, are a donkey.

I had to ask folks on twitter if I really saw what I thought I saw at the end of the VMAs tonite. Did Lil Mama really just run up onstage and ruin the ending of the show-closing Jay-Z and Alicia Keys duet?

yup.

(lol! spotted on Elliott‘s twitpic)