Academy Awards 2011, The Oscars, Hollywood’s chosen sons and daughters dressed in their fanciest borrowed clothes…will James Franco and Anne Hathaway excel or stink as hosts? Lets live tweet our way through….

8:34- Long comedic intro blending the host into footage from all the nominated best-pictures. I wasn’t mad at Franco in a white unitard. Good ass.
8:37- I already miss Steve Martin
8:38- Anne’s dress is one of those Jim Jones rhinestone belts (see above)…
8:50- I have never squirmed more than I just did during Kirk Douglas’ best supporting actress delivery. And then when Melissa Leo (The Fighter) won, she just had to drop an f-bomb? In her Narnia White Witch doily dress? smh
9:04 I haven’t seen the “The Lost Thing” winner of best animated short, but “Day and Night” which lost….was AMAZING. Watch it here.

Video – Day And Night – Pixar
9:08- Loved “Toy Story 3,” definitely deserved it. If you didn’t cry during it, you may have a tear duct problem.
9:15- Aaron Sorkin wins best adapted screenplay for “Social Network.” My sister called it. And then she reacted by saying, “Coke head.” LMAO.

(more after the jump)

9:19- an adorable old man wins best original screenplay for “Kings Speech.” I thought the movie was an overhyped snoratorium. But this guy David Seidler is gold for being as he called himself “a late bloomer,” and for being sincere and funny in his speech. He also was a stutterer which is why he wrote this. But on the topic of the presenters, these two guys taught me that all-white tuxes aren’t more classy than black and white ones….they just make you look like a bathroom attendant.

9:28- I knew we couldn’t have Anne Hathaway onstage without her singing. God help me!

9:33- Christian Bale won for best supporting actor, which makes sense. He transformed in “The Fighter.”…..but then he got onstage and was babbling and forgot his wife and kid’s names. That’s the spaz we all know and love-onscreen only.
9:44- I’m glad Trent Reznor won for his “Social Network” soundtrack, it was creepy and evocative…fit the movie perfectly. But it’s so funny to see the former Nine Inch Nails hard rocker turn into…Tom Ford, lol. (see below)

11:02- I’ve been watching this whole time….but have been so bored, I feel like I’m in an “Inception” dream state….or purgatory. And then Tom Hooper wins best director for “King’s Speech” and this wakes me up with outrage. I saw “King’s” and it was just not that good. The story was one scene played over and over in different rooms. King stutters, gets mad, shows determination. *repeat* Predictable and redundant.
11:30- It’s done and so is my patience. Worst show in a long time. Anne was giggly and annoying. Franco was cute but absent (and so high). And the stretches of painful stunts (yes, Kirk Douglas was a gimmick. Celine’s “Smile” was a gimmick. And even the kids from Staten Island, with all the Hollywood stars onstage with them…gimmick) were the worst part. My sister and her dog Mookie suffered through it with me….and after “The King’s Speech” won Best Picture, Mookie released a hair-curling fart in disapproval.
I couldn’t have said it any better, Mook.
G’nite and thank you for sharing my pain, everyone.

UPDATE: Here are the complete list of winners….

(christian bale’s curtains don’t match….um, his valance?)

(I loved both of these lavender dresses, even though this color makes all pale-skinned people look nauseous. Cate Blanchett in Givenchy, Mila Kunis in Elie Saab)

(Thank god, Natalie Portman got a dress worthy of her for Oscar night (left), because just a few days earlier, she wore a Givenchy at the Independent Spirit Awards that looked like a Fat Camp prom dress)

(Halle Berry’s dress brought a fog machine.)