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Contrary to some hasty and inaccurate headlines, Esquire did not name Rihanna as their 2011 “Sexiest Woman Alive.” But they did use a dirty short clip of Rihanna to promote their 2011 “Sexiest Woman Alive” voting brackets. And by dirty….I’m referring to actual soot which Rihanna rubs into her face and body. Perhaps an exotic volcanic exfoliation ritual. At the very end of the video there also seems to be some wet paper towel clinging to her arm. So, needless to say…the height of anti-glam.

And in return, Esquire‘s readers didn’t even vote her past the sweet sixteen? Rude! In fact, the final four “Sexiest Women Not Dead” came down to Brooklyn Decker, Erin Andrews, Megan Fox, and Katrina Bowden….aka Barbie, Barbie, Veronica, and Barbie! Zzzzz.

(wait…Erin Andrews is the sports reporter who Brett Favre dong-sexted? No, wait. She’s the sports reporter that got violated by a peeper who secretly videotaped her in her hotel room. Not cool.)

Oh, and guess who won?
Katrina Bowden….aka the intern on 30 Rock. Really? Riri was robbed.

Watch Katrina’s cheesy cheesecake Esquire video and Rihanna’s Esquire video after the jump….

Not Rihanna’s sexiest body scrub….but I still think she’s way flyer than the other gals. Especially versus the actual winner Katrina Bowden, who plays Tina Fey’s assistant on 30 Rock. She does well enough on the show though.

It’s weird because Esquire has some of the best feature writing in the magazine world. Always have. But these girls at home in full hair and makeup videos…are kind of cheesy.