Oh, y’all ain’t know it’s Christmas in July, mofos?
Just because you have a rivulet of perspiration running down the length of your spine like the Thames you don’t think Santy Claus can squeeze through your router and give you a spectacular gift?
Well, you’re wrong. Because we just got blessed with another never-heard-before #KanyeRant today. And that’s all that’s right in the world today.

According to Gawker, Kanye and friends went to the Corner Bistro in the West Village after the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards. You remember, that infamous night when he ran up onstage and pulled the ultimate gaffle-move on pop-tart Taylor Swift? Remember how Kanye had an ode to crop circles and Keith Haring on his head?!!!! And remember how boss he looked pissy with a cracked bottle of Henny and his then-trophy-boo Amber Rose in nothing more than a full body snake-print pantyhose?
Well, I can’t imagine anyone thinking that tiny burger spot (see below) would be a safe place to air out your private opinions, much less scream them at the top of your lungs. But thank god, Ye did, because 4 years later…we get to enjoy more of pretty much my favorite thing in pop culture….#KanyeRants. (I mean, I play Kanye’s “Don’t Speak” rant every day. Even remixing it to fit my life. Remember this miracle?)

In the audio, high off his “Imma let you finish…” triumph, Kanye declares himself the keeper of the culture flame, laying down his life to prevent the Taylor-Swift-harpies from ever winning. He also defends his mom’s honor. And lambasts Pink. And screams his support of Eminem….

“When I heard Eminem’s verse on the Drake shit, I went back and rewrote my shit for two days. I canceled appointments to rewrite! I fuckin’ care! You know what I’m saying? And that’s what I’m saying. Because I did that, Taylor Swift cannot win over Beyoncé! Because I wrote my verse in two days, Taylor Swift cannot beat Beyoncé. As long as I’m alive! And if I’m alive, kill me then!…”

Props to the anonymous budget burger-eater who captured this.
Accept today’s gift and receive your #KanyeRant of the day…
After the jump

Thank you, and you’re welcome.
Kanye West vents about the MTV Video Music Awards in 2009.

Do you think the screeching woman on the audio is Amber?

Here’s the transcript of the 2009 Kanye West audio, via Gawker:

“I’m pushing the envelope! I wrote my fuckin’ ‘Run This Town’ verse for a fuckin’ month! When I heard Eminem’s verse on the Drake shit, I went back and rewrote my shit for two days. I canceled appointments to rewrite! I fuckin’ care! You know what I’m saying? And that’s what I’m saying. Because I did that, Taylor Swift cannot win over Beyoncé! Because I wrote my verse in two days, Taylor Swift cannot beat Beyoncé. As long as I’m alive! And if I’m alive, kill me then! Kill me then! As long as I’m alive, you gon’ have to deal with it. ‘Cause there ain’t gonna be no more motherfucking Elvises with no James Browns.

[A female voice asks, “Why are you so angry? What’s the anger?”] Because my mother got arrested for the fuckin’ sit-ins. My mother died for this fame shit! I moved to fuckin’ Hollywood chasing this shit. My mother died because of this shit. Fuck MTV. It ain’t no love. What the fuck was Pink performing? Don’t nobody know that song. Pink performed twice! Two songs? How the fuck Pink perform two songs and I didn’t even get asked to perform “Heartless.” “Heartless” is the biggest song of the year! It had the most spins of the first quarter! I don’t know that Pink song! But I noticed that she’s pink! They put me in a fuckin’ room and [inaudible – maybe “projected it”].

[A male voice asks, “How the fuck did Eminem get the Best Hip-Hop song in 2008?”] Eminem won Best Video! Rap Video! Yo, when he wont that shit, I was so happy. I was so happy I [unclear – “ran all this shit,” maybe]. I said, “Nigga, I’m gon’ do this until y’all put a bullet in my head…”

Related:
Kanye West Flips on TMZ Paparazzi… Again (Video)
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Look Up When Walking: Kanye West Walks Into a Sign, Curses Out Paparazzi
Transcribing Kanye vs the Paparazzi: What really happened at LAX