Have people cracked open that egg nog early? Because there’s no other explanation I can see (other than drunken lactose-intolerant raw-yolk fever) for folks to be cosigning such obvious bullshit this past weekend…

PART 1: Lil Wayne totes guns, and makes number weed runs….

Can you believe this Lil Wayne photo that TMZ posted? With the headline:

“Lil’ Wayne — Is That a Shotgun in Your Pocket?: Lil’ Wayne struck a deadly pose — brandishing what appears to be a high-powered shotgun on his tour bus over the summer.”

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um…I’m no ballistics expert, but that looks more like a pneumatic nail gun than a shotgun.  Luckily, Young Money contacts like Karen Civil immediately stepped up to clarify, that’s a pellet gun in Wayne’s hand. Ah doy! Honestly, I’m shocked at TMZ, they’re thorough enough to scoop everyone on the death of Michael Jackson, but fell way short on this one.

PART 2: Asher Roth’s Ass-Gate 2009. The Battle for Asher’s Bung.

Ok, I keed, but honestly…folks were buzzing last night about this “scoop” that appeared on an mysterious, un-vetted site called CWebNews, about Asher Roth announcing he is “the” Gay Rapper. The headline was:

“Asher Roth to Appear on E!News to talk about new “Gay Lifestyle“

What about that ridiculous headline even sounds plausible?? Of course Asher could be gay, and there would be nothing wrong with that. But he’s not even the first that comes to my mind. (Do Asher’s flip flops raise your gaydar?)

Then in the “report,” there’s this convenient mention of a guy who wrote a book about all the gays in hip hop, without naming any names. Hmm. That makes me want to buy his book on Amazon, doesn’t it? ["Message!" (c) School Daze]

But the most damning blow to the credibility of this scoop: Who has ever gone on E! News to announce anything? (#noshots)

As much as this idiocracy made me angry…it was all worth it because this morning, we got a punchline from Ill Doctrine’s JSmooth:

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When you click on the link, you see a new CWebNews’s headline:

“Jay Smooth Announces Plan to Sell Brooklyn Bridge:
Jay Smooth, host of the Oscar and Emmy-winning videoblog Illdoctrine.com, announced this week he is selling the historic Brooklyn Bridge. The stunning announcement was made during the E! News channel’s annual Kwanzaa special…”

GENIUS!!!

Evidently, anyone can submit any story to that site.

Read the rest of Jay’s Onion-like gem after the jump…

UPDATE: Asher Roth released this statement:
“I hate to disappoint and take away the entertainment of it all but I am straight, not gay. It’s disheartening to know such “news” on someone’s personal life can be portrayed as fact with no viable source. This, to me, is an opportunity to expose our vulnerability to lies and manipulation through unprofessional and irresponsible news outlets, in which people consider TRUTH. Further, someone’s sexual orientation should NEVER be big news, as it delivers a troubling message to children that they can’t be themselves without fear of judgment. Race, creed, and sexual persuasion should not just be tolerated but understood and accepted. It’s extremely disappointing that this topic would be used with the intention of being hurtful. We are near 2010….2010!! Yet race, sex and religion still play a major role in a hate driven society. For the love of the future and humanity….let’s wake up.” (via RapRadar)

“...Mr. Smooth, also a longtime radio host and former Navy SEAL, revealed his plans in a hastily arranged press conference held outside his spaceship. He did not explain how he came to own New York’s famous landmark, but said he said he expects the sale to go smoothly despite his lack of detail.

Smooth explained, ‘when I saw how many people believed that Asher Roth is gay, because of one terribly written article on a website nobody’s ever heard of, I knew it was time for the world to hear about this bridge I’m trying to sell. ‘”

HAHAHAAAAAA!