(maxwell killed that al green tribute)

Thanks to everyone who hung out with me and snarked along while the BET Awards were on. This was kind of fun, lol. The post is waay too long, so here’s the end summary:

-In Sum:

Highlights= Neyo and Jabbawockeez segment, Kanye’s cameo with Jeezy, Lil Kim’s hips, Alicia Keys’ whole tribute to the girlgroups with SWV, EnVogue, T(L)C. , Maxwell’s tribute to Al Green, Al Green’s tribute to Al Green, Chris Brown and Ciara’s dance routine, Quincy Jones’ speech, Rick Ross’ single status intact

Lowlights: “Man Down,” Rihanna, the afterparty, Jeezy’s weezing, Nelly’s set, the skirt portion of Ashanti’s dress, Tpain’s 4 watches, Usher’s hips, Diddy’s endless shilling, Neyo’s ladyfriend’s morning after makeup, Rick Ross belly unwrapped, Alicia’s spanx

Some of my favorite reader comments:

# bklynrep Says:
June 24th, 2008 at 10:41 pm e
this lady [ref to BET head Deborah Lee] is way too old to have her titties jangling like that…

#  el kasto Says:
June 24th, 2008 at 10:57 pm e
ooo…nelly and slo slo death lol…i smell a faaaavvooorrrr

#  just say Cee Says:
June 24th, 2008 at 11:04 pm e
A. Keys rocks Spanx!!!

#  Yanaja Says:
June 24th, 2008 at 11:29 pm e
Ok, I’m done for the night…gotdamned Alesha Renee said T-Pain’s performance was “a very banana performance”
We HAVE to do better smh

Read the entire insane stream of consciousness after the jump…


(chris brown and ciara slink and grind all over each other, lol)


(alicia key’s girl girl tribute)

Pre-show:

-so they asked Rick Ross if he brought a date to the awards….and he said, no, I just came with the fellas. Guess that tranquilizer dart to Rick’s neck wore off.

-um…there’s a guy will a full on jeri curl rapping with Soulja Boy….and then Bun B, Polow and Jermaine Dupri joined in. smh.

-the guy with the curl is V.I.C…..poor Rosci, she cant get a word in edgewise to tell these guys to “wrap it up”

-is Polow bottom heavy?

—-Mainshow

-aww, Usher is chasing Chris Brown’s legend, lol

-and methinks he went to Glow in the Dark

-i think he’s lost it.

-is Usher bottom heavy?

-the opening graphic looks just like a blue/white/red rocket pop…..I wish I had one of those.

-why is the head of the channel being introduced alongside Rick Ross and Pretty Ricky

-DL’s purple hat is nice….nice and random

-he’s bombing. someone help him

-”does a big penis drop out the ceiling?” (um….)

-yay, he’s done.

—–

-I love that MC Lyte is the go-to voiceover gal for music award shows

-awww Chris Brown is with Rihanna. cute!

-wait…he has a faux-hawk and sun-in highlights. not cute

—

-I think Jeezy needs a lozenge.

-uh oh, its only 8:23pm and they’re already dragging out Kevin Hart and Mel B

-Mel B has an amazing bod, though…..

-best male athlete?….yuck, kobe

-”Kobe Bryant cant be here…..” tell me how my a– taste

-oh my god….Keyshia Cole’s mom actually said “Man Down!” during her short outro.

—

-fix Keyshia’s mic!

-wait…its not her mic. doh…..she cant really run around and sing at the same time. maybe she smokes? She looks nice though.

-wow, Lil Kim got her shape on point.

-that last note was so unnecessary, Keyshia.

—

-Nia Long is so pretty

-best female hip hop artist? um….

-wait, Kid Sister was nominated?! wow. score one for the underground

—

-Neyo looks nice…but the black leather gloves, white patent shoes looks….um, like one of those human sculptures that freeze for money in the park

-JABBAWOCKEEZ!

-Okay….Neyo > Usher

-Ashanti looks like she has a dead person in her a–

-my friend says LL Cool J always looks like he’s flexing….

- No……not The Dream! No More Vowels!

-Wait….you’ve got to be friggin’ kidding me….Dream had a better place to be than there? What the hell am I do in front of the TV then.

-Ashanti…that dress ain’t worth it….you can’t even split your legs when walking?

—

-YAY! Alicia is so dope, love the cleopatra cut…and yes guys, her body is sick

-wow, SWV, and Envogue….all of EnVogue!

-i totally agree with the comment that this is the best segment so far…

-all of Envogue looked great….SWV 2/3….T(L)C 1/2

-Chilli has some secret potion…she looks ageless.

-Alicia FTW!

-(sidenote: does Kanye have bad circulation? He wears a Moncler bubble all summer)

-aww, that’s nice…Kanye shared that moment…wait, “the roc is in the building”? What roc?

—-

-Wait! wasnt that MC Lyte on the Tide commercial too??

—-

9:12 Tpain, Tpain, Tpain, Tpain, Tpain (saying it in the mirror…waiting for him to appear)

-this is a circus, like “Hostel” is a hotel.

-Help Me! Someone Help! Rick Ross’ overhang is killing my spirit!

-WHAT! Big Boi came to save my soul and his mic isn’t even up!!!

—

-ok, I’m drinking some pedialyte. I hope it will help.

-now that I think about it….Tpain’s set is like a circus….like one of those creepy, traveling circuses with carnies and gypsies and various freaks of nature

-thank you thank you thank you….Pimp C rip….I can’t believe UGK won….something just and right in the world

-why is john legend america’s face for all things mainstream and non-threatening?

-MC Lyte on Hip Hop vs America!…

—–

-ok…my homie said….”its Mary Mary and Lisa Lisa…Lisa”

-yikes, I could see what Kirk Franklin had for dinner…that’s a tight sweater

-The Wackness looks….well…you know

—-

-Yay! Chris Brown looks like an underfed HunkaBunka Ladies Night dancer with that damn white bow tie……Take it off! Take it off!

-go Chris Brown….finish  usher him!

-ah man, Ciara killed it….rihanna had the ill fake smile

-yikes…..cassie…please have a protein shake

-who is brandon t jackson?

-In summation: this group was not the best promotion of vote registration

-Aw man….Kanye is getting the sideeye from Baby. Tpain is such a donkey

-”we blessed to be in this man’s (T-pain’s) presence. I’m one of the kings in this game. My opinion counts” Kanye West

-Toccara gives me a hernia

-no no no…not John Legend….unless he starts grinding on an audience member and gets a boner

-oh I take that back…bc he’s doing an Al Green tribute. Respect Al Green Forever! Oh man, the old footage is the best

-lauren london is feeling herself, lipsynching along with Jill Scott to “Still in Love”….hmm who’s she sitting next to

-sorry Jill, you were a lil too smooth…now we bout to get down and gritty! Anthony Hamilton!

-haha, maxwell too cool for school….oo, he sounds guuuud

-Ok, Maxwell just stole the whole damn show…..I love comeback stories!….amd he looks manly.

(funny side story, I met maxwell recently with Jim Jones and Dame Dash…and Jimmy said Maxwell, come by the studio…and Maxwell was like yo, I’m there!……and then when he left, I asked Jimmy if he was serious, and he said, nah I just be asking for the hell of it. Its not like he’s gonna show up.)

-this is one of my favorite songs ever “Love n Happiness”….haha this is comedy!

-aw man, the Rev is warmed up now. this is great

-hmm, Luda and Lil Kim getting their groove on….everyone dancing…chris lighty sans 50….busta in a leather vest sans shirt (sigh)

-”Next, Rihanna performs the hottest song in the country”…..uh….she’s gonna sing “A Milli”?

—-

-what is Terrence wearing…is that….brushed aluminum?

-I think things may get ugly in that front row if Weezy doesnt win something soon

-I knew it!…..why is Ye up there, lol….well hell everyone else was up there

-This is the hottest song in the country? GTFOH Ri Ri

-HAHAHA Whup-PAH! Chris Brown mouthing the words to “the hottest song in the country” (downgrade)

-snore. this girl better sing “Please dont stop the music” so I can get my long island clubgirl on

-(random thought: neyo’s girlfriend looks like she broke night)

-Latifah looks beautiful….is Quincy’s middle name Delight? Thats awesome!….Q is the true dapper dan

-WOW Q is the man (obviously)….Southside Stand up! And he said love to all my dogs. (damnit jeezy take your shades off when Q is talkin)….75 yrs old. “When it rains, get wet!”

—–

-come on Ashanti! Just tie that shit in a knot….hmmm, does Nelly feel weird being chest naked in a room full of people fully dressed?  (but…he does look mm-mm-good, lol) Too bad nobody has ever heard this song before

-oh no, Nelly, I love you but this is not good….Ciara and Fergie are great looks…but only if ppl know the song.  And no more footwear songs, please. But you’re hot.

-OH MY GOD….diddy brought out a bottle of Ciroc and had the chick hold it up on the side like The Price Is Right

-wait, did we just see Alicia’s “spanks” when she held her dress up to walk up the stairs?

-ok Alicia’s speech ending, that was kind of corny….”end of the word hate”?….you just brought maino out for summerjam, lol my bad, I heard it wrong

—-

-No no no! Someone said Tpain’s name 5 times in the mirror didnt they….

but wait, his pants got shorter…..uh oh…who was tht guy dancing in the front row to weezy?….hmm, so far Weezy’s set is confusing and not great….also, I’ve never thought rapping could be so off-key.

-Tpain’s shirt says “T-Wayne” …..he is really banking on that duet album