Oh, it’s all gravy when you’re doing the foxtrot on Dancing with the Stars, or buying bottles for your Basketball Wife…but in a perfect storm of terribleness, when Chad OchoCinco Johnson was arrested for allegedly headbutting his new wife Evelyn Lozada….his life was being documented by not one, but two reality TV shows. There was the Ev and Ocho show for VH1, which has now been pulled. And the HBO x Miami Dolphins documentary series, Hard Knocks, which filmed Ocho being fired from the team. Do the Schadenfreude Shuffle!!

Miami Dolphins Coach Joe Philbin: It’s just, I don’t know if this is working for the benefit of you, me, the Miami Dolphins….and I think you’re a good person, and I acknowledge that people make mistakes…

Chad OchoCinco Johnson (blatantly lying): Coach, I’ve never been in trouble before (I know…)…ever. And I buy into your program…

Coach Philbin: It’s not really just last night…it’s where we are as a program…I just don’t see the mesh right now….I think it’s best for both of us that we part ways at this time…I’m not trying to flex my muscles as head coach and make an example of Chad Johnson…and um…you know…is there anything more…um….

Oh God, how awkward! Anyone who has ever been fired knows how unbearable that tense conversation is. Unless you’ve had the balls to blow up and spazz, lol. Which I never had. The most I’ve been able to do is gather up my honor and dispense some petulant disgust.

Meanwhile…we can all agree that it’s disgusting that OchoCinco may have put his hands or forehead on his wife…but um….just one comment on her “public statement.”
After the jump

Evelyn Lozada filed for divorce the day after the fight (over her discovery of a condom receipt?), and then she released this statement (to Entertainment Tonight, of course!):

It is with great sadness and much trepidation that I release this statement addressing the domestic violence incident that happened this past Saturday. I am deeply disappointed that Chad has failed to take responsibility for his actions and made false accusations against me, it is my sincere hope that he seeks the help he needs to overcome his troubles. Domestic violence is not okay and hopefully my taking a stand will help encourage other women to break their silence as well. I’m grateful to my family, friends and fans for the outpouring of support during this difficult time.

The false accusation that Chad made was that Evelyn “leaned” into his head…with her head. They both have very prominent inflated ones but this hardly seems enough to get a 3-inch laceration.
But can I just say…yeah, Evelyn, domestic violence is not okay. At all. But your camera-pandering woman on woman violence isn’t okay either.

PS: Now some Boston woman, named Beverly Shiner (an unfortunate last name given this guy’s history) has decided to step up and share her tale (tail) with Radar…about how she started sleeping with Chad OchoCinco Johnson after googling him and seeing that he was engaged.

*ignorance aneurysm*

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