A movie project starring Eric from True Blood (Alexander Skarsgard)! *nom nom*…AND that sulky hunky football washup Tim Riggins from my favorite melodrama Friday Night Lights (Taylor Kitsch)?! *nom nom nom!*
Also….lovely fashionista singer Rihanna will make her acting debut on the film too. Ok. Feeling a lil’ trepidation…but still excited.
But wait, the movie is called Battleship? Please not a dumbed down version of Battlestar Gallactica! No? Phew…..um, it’s actually a movie based on the old Hasbro boardgame, Battleship.

Ugh.

There’s some hope because Peter Berg is directing. He’s that actor who was awesome in The Last Seduction, and since then has done a great job directing/producing Friday Night Lights, and a not so great job directing Hancock. (blech) But also interesting….it seems he’s also working on a “Cocaine Cowboys” feature film. Hmm.

Best Tweet Reply Today:

(*iQuit imminent)

zzzzzzzzz….i’m sorry, I dozed off somewhere between the book promo and the railing against the very bloggers who have made her a household name…ahem.

I was amused Kat’s masterful name mash-up….”Rocska Ackcrosta.”

Rocska Ackcrosta is Kat’s imaginary Hindu vee-jaying video-modeling deity who does deep hamstring stretches in front of a live studio audience.

But aside from that, who knew phonebook dictation could be so dull.

Are you not entertained? Increasingly less so….

After the jump, watch the video that made Kat so hoppin’ mad. And listen to Kat’s interview with the homie Angela Yee….

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(Left: giddy Kiely in younger days. Right: post-Cheetah Kiely..um…out with beau/producer JR Rotem. Must have been casual-boob Friday.)

So alot of fuss is being made over young Kiely Williams (for example:here and here “this video should come with a rape kit“)…..so, congratulations on that. Clearly, this is exactly what Kiely aimed for when she recorded a song and video for this song, “Spectacular”….the former 3Lw member and Disney’s Cheetah Girls sings about getting so pissy that you black out and perhaps have raw relations with a guy who is one twitpic away from a date-rape charge….

Last I remember I was face down
Ass up, clothes off, broke off, dozed off
Even though I’m not sure of his name
He could get it again if he wanted
Cause the sex was spectacular
The sex was spectacular
The sex was spectacular
The sex was spectacular

I think he pulled a track out when he was blowing my back out
What was I drinking? I can’t believe I blacked out…
I must have been on drugs…
I hope he used a rubber or
Imma be in trouble
Promise I don’t remember
except for rolling over

*shudders*

Well, that’s one way to get some youtube views and a Monique show walk-on….I guess.

Watch the Not-Safe-For-Work (or kids!) video for “Spectacular”….and read Kiely’s “statement” after the jump….

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Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Mikey: Earlier this morning President Obama addressed the disaster and tragic events that took place in Haiti last night. He spoke sincerely and made it clear that the U.S. government is doing everything in it’s power to help the people of Haiti as well Haitian-Americans living stateside. Also he urged anyone seeking help locating family or friends in Haiti to contact the states department at 888 – 407-4747 for further assistance. Some key points from his speech were…

1. The U.S. has mobilized resources to help rescue efforts

2. Search and Rescue  teams from the U.S.  are arriving today and tomorrow, U.S. Agency for International Development administrator Rajiv Shah to coordinate American efforts

3.U.S. is working in an interagency effort with the Haitian  government to bring an all out relief effort to the country

Wyclef also spoke with CNN on the tragedy in his homeland and is also doing everything in his power to help bring aid to Haiti. You can donate and learn more about Wyclef’s organization at www.Yele.org or text “yele” to 501 501 to make a five dollar donation. Video after the jump

More information on how to help Haiti at Hot 97’s Help Page.

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(“frenemies” (c) jomo jones)

What a hot stinking mess….and the rot started back around February of last year, when Conan O’Brien inherited the Tonight Show on NBC. And Jay Leno left in a flurry of fawning farewells…except that then suddenly, NBC announced that Jay Leno wasn’t riding off into the sunset in an antique car….in fact, he was getting a primetime slot for a Jay Leno variety show…which sounded exactly like the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, except that it had 30% more stupid skit time, and played during the time that we normally got to watch a scripted sitcom or drama series (which is way more expensive to produce…hmm, what a coincidink. Remember Tina Fey’s subliminal diss at the Emmy’s?).

All this NBC action sent rivals and viewers into a tizzy. We kind of thought Conan would benefit from his big bump up to LA. We thought Leno was just getting a cushy gig to ease him out of our lives. We thought Jimmy Fallon and the Roots would be edgy and youthful on the Late Night slot. We thought Carson Daly would finally go away. Meanwhile Jimmy Kimmel thought about moving up to 11:35 and deading Nightline. And Letterman thought, now is probably a good time to not have any more bypass surgery, and dust off that intern sex scandal (just keeding).

So…how’s that working out for us? Well, Conan is stale and inexplicably un-awesome. Fallon is painfully corny and annoying apologetic (The Roots seemed to humor him like a visiting relative). Kimmel is Kimmel (pretty funny in a fratboy way). I still have no need to remember that Irish Scottish guy’s name. And Letterman is back to feeling himself, watching the drama around him.

That drama got even crazier today….first there was a rumor that NBC had given up on that awful Leno primetime show. But no, that would be too good to be true. Instead, TMZ reported that Leno is taking a hiatus, and then, come February 1….he’s not only coming back, but he’s taking the 11:30pm time slot!?!!

Which means, either Leno will only get 30minutes to yap his maw. And then The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien will start at midnight…hmm. Or…Conan will get the boot…*gasp.*

Is it possible that we’ll end up with the Jay Leno then Fallon then Carson Daly? Blech! Or will Leno nativeamerican-give on Conan, and Conan nativeamerican-give on Fallon. I’m 100% sure Fallon won’t be able to nativeamerican give on Seth Meyers at SNL. Or…can Letterman thaw out a space in his heart for Conan to move over to CBS, and get rid of that Irish guy? All I know is…if Carson is left standing, he’s officially f–king for slots.

Related: Gawker had a hilarious breakdown of Conan’s less than enthusiastic response to Jay Leno’s retirement renege last year. and Tina’s sublim Leno diss after the jump
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Have people cracked open that egg nog early? Because there’s no other explanation I can see (other than drunken lactose-intolerant raw-yolk fever) for folks to be cosigning such obvious bullshit this past weekend…

PART 1: Lil Wayne totes guns, and makes number weed runs….

Can you believe this Lil Wayne photo that TMZ posted? With the headline:

“Lil’ Wayne — Is That a Shotgun in Your Pocket?: Lil’ Wayne struck a deadly pose — brandishing what appears to be a high-powered shotgun on his tour bus over the summer.”

um…I’m no ballistics expert, but that looks more like a pneumatic nail gun than a shotgun.  Luckily, Young Money contacts like Karen Civil immediately stepped up to clarify, that’s a pellet gun in Wayne’s hand. Ah doy! Honestly, I’m shocked at TMZ, they’re thorough enough to scoop everyone on the death of Michael Jackson, but fell way short on this one.

PART 2: Asher Roth’s Ass-Gate 2009. The Battle for Asher’s Bung.

Ok, I keed, but honestly…folks were buzzing last night about this “scoop” that appeared on an mysterious, un-vetted site called CWebNews, about Asher Roth announcing he is “the” Gay Rapper. The headline was:

“Asher Roth to Appear on E!News to talk about new “Gay Lifestyle“

What about that ridiculous headline even sounds plausible?? Of course Asher could be gay, and there would be nothing wrong with that. But he’s not even the first that comes to my mind. (Do Asher’s flip flops raise your gaydar?)

Then in the “report,” there’s this convenient mention of a guy who wrote a book about all the gays in hip hop, without naming any names. Hmm. That makes me want to buy his book on Amazon, doesn’t it? ["Message!" (c) School Daze]

But the most damning blow to the credibility of this scoop: Who has ever gone on E! News to announce anything? (#noshots)

As much as this idiocracy made me angry…it was all worth it because this morning, we got a punchline from Ill Doctrine’s JSmooth:

When you click on the link, you see a new CWebNews’s headline:

“Jay Smooth Announces Plan to Sell Brooklyn Bridge:
Jay Smooth, host of the Oscar and Emmy-winning videoblog Illdoctrine.com, announced this week he is selling the historic Brooklyn Bridge. The stunning announcement was made during the E! News channel’s annual Kwanzaa special…”

GENIUS!!!

Evidently, anyone can submit any story to that site.

Read the rest of Jay’s Onion-like gem after the jump…

UPDATE: Asher Roth released this statement:
“I hate to disappoint and take away the entertainment of it all but I am straight, not gay. It’s disheartening to know such “news” on someone’s personal life can be portrayed as fact with no viable source. This, to me, is an opportunity to expose our vulnerability to lies and manipulation through unprofessional and irresponsible news outlets, in which people consider TRUTH. Further, someone’s sexual orientation should NEVER be big news, as it delivers a troubling message to children that they can’t be themselves without fear of judgment. Race, creed, and sexual persuasion should not just be tolerated but understood and accepted. It’s extremely disappointing that this topic would be used with the intention of being hurtful. We are near 2010….2010!! Yet race, sex and religion still play a major role in a hate driven society. For the love of the future and humanity….let’s wake up.” (via RapRadar)

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(photo spotted on Nah, song sent over by Shake/2DopeBoyz)

New Freestyle: Joell Ortiz “Make It Without You”
Joell_Ortiz-Make_it_Without_You-2dope.mp3

oh, wow…this just broke my heart.
completely.
and made me think about the people I love but don’t show enough love to. I want to but I’m use being busy as an excuse. (busy in this hamster wheel) Still, there’s always this fear that one day it will be too late.

thank you, joell for sharing. and bringing us back to something that matters.

Its little things like this that make me litter in public and curse like a sailor to customer service phone operators. Just keeps me in a constant state of agita.

The guy says in the song “Fear,”: “I never cried when Pac died/But I probably will when Hov does/ And if my tears hold value, then I would drop one for every single thing he showed us/ And I’ll be standing in a puddle”

How in the flying fudge does that turn into a big debate about whether Drake loogied on the hallowed ground of Tupac Amaru Shakur’s grave? Are people idiots? No….*breathe*….they’re all just bored (or they’re desperate to entertain the people who are just bored).

So now we have to hear this insipid explanation of the line. “I was 9 when that happened, so it didn’t really affect me.” Right. Duh! He didn’t say he did the Superbowl Shuffle when Pac passed? This guy Drake has more patience than I.

Just when I think its safe to kick back for the weekend, watch last night’s Real (but possibly living above their means) Housewives of Atlanta, and chomp on some almond Pocky….that instigator Dick Shittman sends over more ignant rap from that ornery old coot, Ill Cosby. Last time if you remember, he was shilling his Gangsta Grillz mixtape with DJ Drama. This time, Ill is promoting a Whoo Kid collabo…by stooping to comedy beef for publicity. *tsk tsk*

Ill Cosby x Whoo Kid mixtape intro…

bill cos whookid.mp3

Ill Cosby’s upcoming album promo…on HoodNewz

bill cosby ad.mp3

(as always…blame HoodNewz)

(olive oil poached octopus…with potatoes. meh…)

Whoo Hoo! Last week, I went on my first “foodie dinner” with Andrew and Chris from the foodblog ImmaculateInfatuation and singer/beautyexpert Heather Park ….ImmaculateInfat posts new NYC-area reviews daily and they hit all the ballyhooed hotspots…which is perfect for folks like me who treat every meal like its my last (I pre-research everything, its pathetic) but what’s key is that Andrew and Chris go past hype to the bottom line: should I eat here?

Plus, their reviews make me laugh out loud.

Personally, I lean towards tiny, ethnic haunts. I’ll eat anything served out the side of a truck. Also, I have a fear of franchises and laminated menus that have more than 8 pages….so the boys suggested Macao Trading Co., in Tribeca, which, like its namesake, Macau a/k/a the Las Vegas of Asia, is a blend of Chinese and Portuguese influences….

Chris writes:

“First of all, Macao is a huge scene … everyone in the house is either on an early in the game date, or starting off their night before they hit Pink Elephant. Second, the place is essentially a theme restaurant. There must have been a yard sale after the last Indiana Jones movie and the owners of Macao cleaned out every prop that Planet Hollywood didn’t already scoop up. I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised to see a monkey in a shriner’s hat come out and bus the table….”

Click here to read the slam by slam of our meal...

NOTE: the ImmaculateInfatuation boys noticed that there were lots of tables with 1 guy and 3 or more girls…..Me and Heather noticed that some of these combos looked like they were mail-ordered.

I’m jus’ sayin’.