first of all…50 Cent and Howard Stern chats are legendary and hilarious. And his most recent trip to Stern’s show is no different. These 2 guys could take their banter on the road and sell out every casino lounge in Vegas. They’re like peanut and butter.

But…I was totally floored by the discussion with Stern showmember Lisa G, who we all know from her days with Ed Lover and Dr. Dre on the Hot97 morning show in the 90s. They were the end-all, be-all of NY radio. And one of their signature features was “The Roll Call.” It was classic. And as campy and corny as it may sound now, back then…it wasn’t. People loved it!

But it’s like Howard catches Fif completely off-guard, because he says he doesn’t remember it…(and it just reinforces Howard’s ongoing joke about Lisa G. But I think Lisa’s right…everyone who grew up in NY’s and likes hiphop does remember “The Roll Call” and the Ed/Lisa/Dre show. “Come’on son!”) Maybe it’s the way Howard sets it up. I just can’t believe it! It’s  awkward and hilarious.

Audio: 50 Cent on the Howard Stern show, Dec. 8, 2009

After the “roll call” debacle, Fif talks about his movie plans and his tattoo removal, he talks about the launch of Universal’s new video platform VEVO (which coincidentally failed 50’s big video launch last night), he talks about his investments, his house in CT (what Howard called the “p—y palace”, and Ciara (notice the quick subject change? ; ), and so much more…LOL.

25:44 mark: Robin “Do you know Jay-Z?” 50 “I don’t know him, I know his work.”

27:00 mark: Howard: “U wearing a bulletproof vest?” 50 “No.” Howard “Ur lookin pretty pumped up. U doin any steroids? U on the juice?”

For an absolutely extensive recap of the entire interview, check after the jump…
(props to the fansite MarksFriggin, and my reader Tommy F for sending it)

50 Cent Visits, Does Celebrity Roll Call. 12/09/09. 7:50am
Howard said that 50 Cent was there so he had to find out if he knew Lisa G and her Roll Call. Howard said he bets that he doesn’t know anything about it.

Howard said 50 did kiss Lisa on the way in. Howard asked 50 if he knew of this Roll Call thing. He said he didn’t really know it but then he said that he had heard of it. Howard said he didn’t hear of it. He went on to explain to 50 about what this Roll Call thing was. It was a routine that Lisa did on a radio show back in the 90s. Howard said that Lisa thought 50 would know what it was but he knew he wouldn’t.

Howard said that Lisa, Dre and Ed were all fired and you don’t get fired if you have a big show. Lisa said that’s what Hip Hop stations were like. Howard said she keeps saying that but that’s bull. He said that 50 didn’t know this Roll Call thing and he had never heard of it.

Howard said they were going to do Celebrity Roll Call and see if 50 knew where to come in. 50 just laughed. Howard told him not to come in if he didn’t want to. Howard started the music and did his talk up for the awful Roll Call thing. They did their thing and sang it. 50 was taking the part of the caller but he had no idea what to do. 50 said that he had heard that thing before. He said that they usually do it with a caller though. Howard said 50 looked like a deer in the headlights.

Lisa thought that 50 remembered it from hearing it on a radio show but Howard said there was no way that he had ever heard of it. Howard said Lisa was really pissed about this and she thinks that her show was the biggest thing on radio when she was on. Howard said that she’s delusional.

50 said that things do change in radio and it happens to artists all the time too. Howard said he saw 50 and Eminem performing together. He said that was really good. Howard said he thought that Eminem was hogging the mic a little bit.

Howard asked 50 about a story he read about him getting his tattoos removed from his arms so he could be in movies and not have them removed. 50 said he did that and it’s more painful than putting them on. He said that it took about a year to get that done. He said that the make up would take hours to put on to cover them up so he had to get them taken off.

Howard asked 50 what his arms look like now. He showed Howard and they were still kind of visible but not that bad. Howard said he has a whole movie schedule coming up. 50 said he has a few things in the work and he wrote one of the movies he has coming up.

Howard said he read that Robert De Niro asked 50 for some business advice soon. 50 said that did happen and he just came up to him as a businessman. Howard read that 50 is worth $400 million. 50 said he’s not up there with Howard and Robin but he’s doing okay.

Robin said they say that a lot of that money came from Vitamin Water. They claim that he didn’t make a lot of that money from Vitamin Water and it wasn’t as much as they think it was. 50 said they say a lot of things in the media and they’re not always true.

Howard asked 50 if he’s being affected by the economy. 50 said he’s still doing alright and he’s getting into some new stuff. He said he has a lot of things in the work and the music isn’t making him a ton of money so he’s working on a new web site that will have people visiting to see music videos and stuff like that.

Howard said he read that 50 has stopped spending a lot of money on jewelry. He used to keep everything he bought but now he’ll sell some and get some new stuff.

Howard also said that 50 has a house he bought off of Mike Tyson and it’s too big for him. 50 said he wants something smaller than 18 bedrooms. He said that place has a night club and an indoor racquetball court. Howard said he must have to staff the house. 50 said he has 4 people there and he hasn’t even been to the house that much.

50 said he paid $4 million on that place and put about $6 million into it. He was trying to sell it for $18 million but no one is taking it. 50 said it’s tough in this economy to sell that place. Robin said that she’s been trying to sell her place on Staten Island and it’s not going. She said it’s been on the market for quite a while now.

Howard said he’d like a house like that because it’s like a pussy palace. Howard said that you bring any bitch to that house and they’re going to love it. Howard asked 50 if he has ever done that with a chick and brought her there to impress her. 50 said he doesn’t usually bring them to his house until after he’s been with them. He said he has trust issues. 50 said he’s seen some wild stuff and he’s thinking about the women he’s with being mothers, daughters and sisters.

Howard asked 50 about Tiger Woods and what he’s been up to. 50 said he thinks that maybe it was a relationship that wasn’t fulfilling. Howard said that he has like 10 or 11 women that he was fucking the brains out of.

Howard asked if he thinks Tiger is an Urkle looking guy who finally got money and now he’s taking advantage of that. 50 said that could be it.

Howard asked 50 if he’s dating Ciara. 50 said he did a music video with her but he didn’t bang her. Howard asked if he’s done any of the chicks Tiger was with. 50 said that he hasn’t done any of them. 50 said that he should have picked different women. He said he would have picked women who won’t go to the press like all of these women have.

Howard asked if it was true that 50 said he wanted to do something with Susan Boyle. 50 said that was in an interview and they were just asking him questions. He didn’t suggest it himself.

Howard asked 50 why he carries $25,000 on him all the time. 50 said he doesn’t do that all the time. He said he might do it when he finds something he wants to buy. Howard said he thinks he does that to remind himself that he’s rich. 50 said that’s true but the money is just one thing. He said that he has watches that are worth like $300,000 that he wears too. Howard said that stuff seems frivolous to him and he would never buy something like that.

50 told Howard that he has to live sometimes and just buy stuff like that. 50 said that he came in there today and no one even offered him breakfast. He was referring to the food that Artie and Benjy were eating in the back there. Howard told him to ignore those guys.

Howard asked 50 about how he can make himself cry on cue for movie scenes. 50 said he just has to think about stuff in his childhood to make himself cry. 50 said that he can think about going into his grandmother’s home after his mom passed. He said that was really uncomfortable for him. He said he was just 8 years old at the time. Howard said that is tough. Robin said she wouldn’t have thought it was so tough for her at that age.

Howard said his mom lost her mom at 9. 50 started to cry while they were talking about that. Howard said he really is a good actor. Howard said that was good for him. Howard said that 50 really had them going. Howard said he couldn’t do that.

Artie asked if Howard has ever come close to crying on the air. Howard said they had to use onions on him in the movie when he had to cry. He said his mother used to take his temperature anally so he doesn’t cry that much. He said that the Howard TV guys had his tears on the monitors in the studio.

Howard asked 50 what he’s getting paid to do movies these days. 50 said he just did one movie where he was paid a million bucks.

Howard asked about the feud between 50 and Jay-Z. 50 jokingly said that he’s scared to death. Howard read that Jay-Z refused to shoot a video with 50 and 50 said that Jay-Z thinks that he’s like Jesus or something. Howard asked if he’s going to come back at him and try to ruin him in the business or anything. 50 said that they’re probably both sick of hearing about all of that stuff so he’s not worried that anything is going to happen.

Howard said 50 said that Kanye West never would have taken the mic out of his hands like he did with Taylor Swift. Then Jay-Z came out and said that Kanye would have taken it from him because no one is afraid of 50 Cent. 50 said that Jay-Z must feel like he has to be tough or something. He said that he should have said something to the person who was interviewing him about how he would have been afraid of him. 50 said he’s pretty sure he could kick the ass of Jay-Z or Kanye West. Howard asked if he would challenge them to a fight. 50 said they don’t even compete in music stuff so he’s pretty sure that won’t happen.

Howard asked 50 if he respects Jay-Z’s music. He said he does like some of his new stuff so he can’t bad mouth that.

Howard asked 50 if he had a bullet proof vest on because he looked so pumped up. 50 said he wasn’t wearing one, he’s just working out. He said he’s not doing any juice or anything. Howard told him that his balls will shrivel up if he does that. 50 asked if Howard’s balls were shriveled up. Howard said he’s not doing that stuff and warned 50 not to do that stuff.

Howard read that 50 Cent almost went into a business where he was going to develop a condom to keep guys lasting longer in bed. They weren’t able to figure out how to do that. 50 said that it was more about a safe sex campaign than that whole thing. He said that he doesn’t have that problem in bed himself. He said he couldn’t care less if he finishes before a woman does. He said you have to love yourself first.

50 brought up Magnum condoms so Howard asked if he uses those. 50 said he does. Howard sounded shocked. Howard asked how long his penis is that he has to use a condom. 50 said he’s never measured it but he does feel special to have the size he does. 50 said he has to use the Magnums but that doesn’t mean he’s that big. Howard said that he’s like 2 1/2 inches. 50 said he’s probably watching too many porn movies. He said that he’s not as big as Howard thinks he is.

Howard asked 50 if he’s full length when he’s flaccid. Robin said those were some strange questions. 50 said he refuses to answer Howard when he asks questions like that. Howard said that Jason is the only one on their staff who uses Magnums.

Howard read that 50 is working with Nicholas Cage on a movie. He asked if he talked to him about his financial problems. 50 said he didn’t talk much about that with him.

Howard gave 50 a plug for his new single ”Baby Buy Me” and asked what that was about. 50 said it’s about buying your looks or something like that. That led to Howard playing the clip from Family Feud that he played earlier this morning where a woman mentioned his name.

Howard played some of 50’s new song ”Baby Buy Me” from his CD ”Before I Self Destruct.” He let that play for a short time before interrupting and saying that Artie woke up in the middle of it. He was dancing around during that song. Artie said that 50 is one of his favorite artists. 50 said that he has to keep some of this stuff on the show to keep it from turning into an old people show. Howard said that Artie is the youngster on the show, he’s only 42.

Howard also gave 50 some plugs for his book ”The 50th Law” and for his fragrance ”POWER” that’s available in stores now.

Howard took a call from a guy who said he really liked 50 in the movie he was in where he was in the service. 50 said that went straight to DVD so he doesn’t think he’ll be wining any Academy Awards for that.

Another caller asked 50 if he thinks that President Obama is losing credibility in the black community. 50 said that people are trying to rush the guy and he can’t work things that fast. Howard agreed with him on that. The guy has been in office for just 10 months and it’s not going to be an easy road for anyone. Howard said people are looking for a miracle.

Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked 50 if he thinks that Jay-Z really called the police on some guy one night. Howard had no idea what he was talking about. 50 explained it to Howard and said that someone was removed from a concert. Howard said that’s a shitty question.

King also asked if he’s fucking Vivica Fox. 50 laughed and said he’s not. King said that she sweats on her top lip and he hates that. Howard let King go after that.

Another caller asked 50 about the lawsuit between him and Sesame Street. 50 said they did a skit on Jimmy Kimmel and no one is suing him. He said he did have a suit against Taco Bell because they used his music and made it seem like he was promoting them. He said he made out really good in that case. He said he won but he can’t say how much.

Howard asked when he was last rejected by a woman. 50 said back in 2005 is when he started to get selective. He said that he has had to work to get girls since then but he didn’t have any rejection stories.

Howard wrapped up with 50 and gave him some plugs for his stuff. 50 said he likes coming in there and said that they seem to have a good chemistry. He said that he would like him to bring in some strippers though. Howard keeps promising him that stuff but it doesn’t happen. Howard told Robin to show 50 her tits. She wasn’t going to do it. Howard asked her if she would date 50. Robin said that she wouldn’t do that but Howard didn’t believe it. They had to go to break a short time later.